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Note: This article is part of a thin book entitled "Reading the
Mind" which  is a collection of dhamma talks by Upasika Kee Nanayon,
who was a buddhist nun in Thailand (1901-1978) She is often known by 
her pen name of Kor. Khaosuanluang. The book was published for free
distribution without any copy right. No one claims to be the transla-
tor into English either.
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                A Glob of Tar
		~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An important but subtle point is that even though we practice,
we continue to fall for pleasant feelings, because feelings are
illusory on many levels. We don't realize that they are changeable
and unreliable. Instead of offering pleasure, they offer us nothing
but stress--yet still we're addicted to them.

This business of feeling is thus a very subtle matter. Please try
to contemplate it carefully--this business of latching onto feelings
of pleasure, pain or equanimity. You have to contemplate so as to see
it clearly. And you have to experiment more than you may want to
with pain. When there are feelings of physical pain or mental
distress, the mind will struggle because it doesn't like pain. 
But when pain turns to pleasure, the mind like it and is content
with it, so it keeps on playing with feeling, even though as we've
already said, feeling is inconstant, stressful and not really ours.
But the mind doesn't see this. All it sees are feelings of pleasure,
and it wants them.

Try looking into how feeling gives rise to craving. It's because we
want pleasant feeling that craving whispers--whispers right there
at the feeling. If you observe carefully, you'll see that this is
very important, for this is where the paths and fruitions leading
to nibbana are attained, right here at the feeling and craving
If we can extinguish the craving in feeling, that's nibbana...

In the Solasa Panha, the Buddha said that defilement is like a wide
and deep flood, but he then went on to summarize the practice to
cross it simply as abandoning craving in every action. Now, right here
at feeling is where we can practice to abandoning craving, for the way
we relish the flavor  of feeling has many ramifications. This is 
where many of us get deceived, since we don't see feeling as inconstant.
We want it to be constant. As for pain, we don't want it to be constant,
but no matter how much we try to push it away, we still latch onto it.

This is why we have to focus on feeling, so that we can abandon craving
right there in the feeling. If you don't focus here, the other paths you
may follow will simply proliferate. So bring the practice close to 
home. When the mind changes, or when it gains a sense of stillness
or calm that would rank as a feeling of pleasure or equanimity: Try to
see in what ways this pleasure or equanimity is inconstant, that's it's
not you or yours. when you can do this, you'll stop relishing that
particular feeling. You can stop right there, right where the mind
relishes the flavor of feeling and gives rise to craving. This is
why the mind has to be fully aware of itself all around at all times
in its focused contemplation to see feeling as empty of self...

This business of liking and disliking feelings is a disease which is 
hard to detect, because our intoxication with feelings is so very
strong. Even with the sensations of peace and emptiness in the mind,
we're still infatuated with feeling. Feelings on the crude level--
the violent and stressful ones which come with defilement--are easy
to detect. But when the mind grows still--steady, cool, bright and
so on--we're still addicted to feeling. We want these feelings of 
pleasure or equanimity. We enjoy them. Even on the level of firm
concentration or meditative absorption, there's attachment to the
feeling...

This is the subtle magnetic pull of craving, which paints and plasters 
things over. This painting and plastering is hard to detect, because
craving is always whispering inside us, "I want nothing but pleasurable
feelings," This is very important, for it's because of this virus
of craving that we continue to be reborn....

So explore to see how craving paints and plasters things, how it causes
desires to forms--the desires to get this and take that--and what sort
of flavor it has that makes you so addicted to it, that makes it hard
for you to pull away. You have to contemplate to see how craving
fastens the mind so firmly to feelings that you never weary of
sensuality or of pleasant feelings no matter what the level. If you
don't contemplate so as to see clearly that the mind is still stuck
right here at feeling and craving, it will keep you from gaining
release...

We're stuck on feeling like a monkey stuck in a tar trap. They take a
glob of tar and put it where a monkey will get its hand stuck in it,
and in trying to pull free, the monkey gets its other hand, both feet
and finally its mouth stuck too. Consider this: Whatever we do, we
end up stuck right here at feeling and craving. We can't separate them
out. We can't wash them off. If we don't grow weary of craving, we are
like the monkey stuck in the glob of tar, getting ourselves more and
more trapped all the time. So if we are intent on freeing ourselves
in the footsteps of the arahants, we have to focus specifically
on feeling until we can succeed at freeing ourselves from it. Even
with painful feelings, we have to practice--for if we're
afraid of pain and always try to change it to pleasure, we'll end
up even more ignorant than before.

This is why we have to be brave in experimenting with pain, both
physical pain and mental distress. When it arises in full measure,
like a house afire, can we let go of it? We have to know both sides
of feeling. When it's hot and burning, how can we deal with it?
When it's cool and refreshing, how can we see through it? We have to
make an effort to focus on both sides, contemplating until we know how
to let go. Otherwise we won't know anything, for all we want is the
cool side, the cooler the better... and when this is the case, how can
we expect to gain release from the cycle of rebirth?

Nibbana is the extinguishing of craving, and yet we like to stay with
craving--so how can we expect to get anywhere at all? We'll stay
right here in the world, right here with stress and suffering, for
craving is a sticky sap. If there's no craving, there's nothing:
no stress, no rebirth. But we have to watch out for it. It's a sticky
sap, a glob of tar,a dye that's hard to wash out.

So don't let yourself get carried away with feeling. The crucial part of 
the practice lies right here...

----------------------------------tawit: fstawit@marge.lerc.nasa.gov